


Jose and the Real Boy

by tumble4rpdr



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24203233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tumble4rpdr/pseuds/tumble4rpdr
Summary: “Jose finished opening the crate and started digging through the packing peanuts, gasping in shock as he touched what felt like a hand. He reached in further, feeling shoulders and hair, before Silky shoved him out of the way and pulled a life-sized naked doll completely out of the box.”Loosely based on Lars and the Real Girl, Silky buys Jose a sex doll to help him get through quarantine. Jose wants to get rid of it but his emotions (and longing for a certain tall blonde) get in the way.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	Jose and the Real Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is finally here! I don’t know why but it feels like it took me forever to write this. This one-shot is loosely based on the movie Lars and the Real Girl and it tries to deal with feelings of loneliness and longing (which I think a lot of us can relate to with what’s going on right now). I used male pronouns for V because he’s never in drag during this. I do switch off between referring to him as Jose and Vanjie, using Jose for when he’s being more vulnerable and himself, and Vanjie for when he’s with Silky and when he’s putting up more of a front about his true emotions. This is also my first time writing Silky into one of my fics (I used female pronouns for her) so I hope her dialogue sounds believable🙏🏻Thank you to everyone who reads and comments on this-I really, really appreciate it💜

It started off as a joke, like things with Vanjie and Silky usually did. They went live for another night, once again fishing for men, though Jose was tempted to take his bait from the water and stop playing, their catches either fleeting or nonexistent. Silky brought out the Hennessy and apple juice which Jose immediately reached for, chugging down half the glass as soon as it touched his lips. Silky let out a surprised but joyful chuckle as she started slurping on her own drink, smiling at Vanjie who attempted to grin back, though the brightness didn’t reach his eyes. Jose was sick of feeling this way so he took a deep breath before swallowing more of his cocktail, gulping it down like medicine, like it was the cure to let him be himself again.

Halfway through the live and halfway through their bottle, Brock’s comments started climbing up the screen like a sunrise, and the darkness surrounding Jose’s mind began to lift. He put his glass down as he read the comments aloud, his grin growing and his cheeks flushing, a reaction too apparent to hide. The next day found fans posting and tagging him, putting a microscope to Jose’s lingering, unrequited feelings for his ex and how much mere breadcrumbs from Brock nourished him. That night Silky’s texts went unanswered and Vanjie’s apartment was silent. Silky knew she had to do something to pull her best friend out of the depths of shame horniness, internet embarrassment, or whatever it was that Vanjie was feeling to make him detach and go to bed at nine thirty. 

————

In a week there was a human-sized box delivered to Jose’s door with Silky smirking right behind it.

“Bitch, you crazy. What the hell is alla this?” Jose asked in confusion as he helped Silky drag the box inside. 

“Just call me Silky Claus you ho, ho, ho,” Silky exclaimed loudly as Jose rolled his eyes lovingly. “Cause I got you a gift that’s on the top of your list.”

“This thing looking as big as a whole ass refrigerator,” Jose replied. “You sure it ain’t your dream gift?”

“Now listen,” Silky began, pointing her finger accusingly at Vanjie. “I’m over here trying to be real sweet and fix your problem and you over there coming for me?”

“What I got that needs fixing?” Jose questioned, trying for sass while his eyes flashed with fear. He quickly shook it off as he went to start unscrewing the lid of the box.

“Don’t think I didn’t see your ass pouting and holed up in your apartment like you grounded or something. And all cause of some fake ass fans calling you out on feeling some typpa way about Miss Shady Brooke.” Jose felt his face heat up and was about to defend himself when Silky continued. “Now I know you ain’t been able to get no quarantine D, since Alex be all the way over with the koalas and shit, so I figured I’d buy you a dick so you don’t have to be so thirsty for it.”

Jose finished opening the crate and started digging through the packing peanuts, gasping in shock as he touched what felt like a hand. He reached in further, feeling shoulders and hair, before Silky shoved him out of the way and pulled a life-sized naked doll completely out of the box.

“I even had him made just the way you like ‘em, tall and white. And that thing got about as much personality as Brookie Tookie too,” Silky said with an amused chuckle.

Jose stared at the doll with a mixture of disbelief, mortification, and a slight sense of awe. At just the right angel, it looked a little like Brock, the blonde hair and large frame the main similarities between the doll and the man whose physicality and essence never left his mind, like an eternal fire that refused to burn out. Jose shook his head, refusing to let himself entertain the notion.

“Really Silk?” Jose questioned skeptically. “Couldn’t you and your new-and-improved bottoming ass just buy us a couple of dildos? They just as good and way less frozen go-go boy trade.”

“Don’t think your girl forget about those, but they’s all for me bitch. We both might be looking for dick but you want yourself a whole ass man to go with it. So big Silk came to deliver,” Silky declared with a grin.

“And what do you expect me to do with it?” Jose asked, though unsure if he actually wanted to know the answer.

“Bitch, I ain’t gonna tell you how to get down. I don’t wanna think about you like that,” Silky replied with lighthearted outrage. “But you better put it to good use seeing as I paid enough money for it. Or at least let me stream some of this shit, give the fans a taste of your knew boo,” Silky laughed.

“Nuh-uh, no way. Not now, not ever Mary,” Jose asserted, desperately trying to avoid showing the world how pathetic and hopeless Silky clearly thought he was. “I just, I just,” Jose struggled to reason while his head was somewhere else, quickly laying down cement and securing the dam that kept the darkest parts of himself from gushing out like a forceful stream. “I just don’t want the mens out there thinking I gotta buy myself a piece, and a mannequin piece at that,” Vanjie managed to get out, attempting to sound like his usual brazen, confident self. “How ‘bout we put this away, get in some hooker-ho drag, and show off them other toys you bought? You know, turn some boys into men and show them just what they missing.”

“Now we talking,” Silky agreed as she joined Jose in dragging the doll to his bedroom, chatting and cackling along the way. Jose threw in a giggle here and there and some half-hearted commentary that he hoped Silky didn’t notice. Once the figure was sitting up in the chair in his room, Jose and Silky moved to the kitchen to start drinking before doing their makeup and going live yet again. Vanjie immediately reached for the tequila, her drink of choice for the evening and a sure fire way to drown her emotions before they had the chance to suffocate her.

————

The end of the night left them both tipsy and still single. Silky took off to her own apartment as Jose headed to his room to sleep, darkness seeping from the unacknowledged hole in his heart only temporarily filled by alcohol and giggles. He got to his bedroom and turned on the light and was startled to see the lifeless silicone doll still sitting there, Silky’s gift nearly forgotten as his brain was more and more distracted and drunk. Jose crawled into bed, pulling the covers over his head in an attempt to block out the outside world, namely the naked artificial man blankly staring at him.

After tossing and turning, Jose yanked down the blankets and switched on the bedside lamp, finding himself once again greeted by the naked figure. He sleepily though purposely went to his drawers and pulled out his loosest pair of sweat shorts, tugging the snug fabric up the doll’s stiff, heavy legs in an effort to cover its surprisingly realistic dick. Next he tried to pull one of his shirts over its head but its shoulders and chest proved to be too broad for a size small. With a huff, Jose went to the very depths of his closet to find what he was looking for.

He emerged with an old, slightly wrinkled T-shirt that belonged to his most recent boyfriend, the one his heart couldn’t seem to keep the ‘ex’ in front of no matter how loud his mind screamed. Jose clutched the fabric between his fingers, the faint scent of tobacco and vanilla and Brock still woven into its threads since Jose didn’t have it in himself to wash it. As he slid the larger shirt more easily over the figure’s upper body, Jose was reminded of when the real Brock was here, and how his hands hurried to tear the shirt from his body rather than put it back on. Every part of Brock radiated warmth and softness and love and Jose remembered wanting to touch as much as he could, to be held in a gentle light that gladly welcomed him.

Jose took a deep, sudden breath and smashed his eyelids shut in an attempt to cage in the memories and longing that always seemed to find a way to escape. He quickly finished covering the doll and immediately shut off the lamp and got into bed, wishing that sleep would finally take him and rein in his wild and regrettably fruitless thoughts.

————

Jose woke up late the next day, the sunlight filtering through the vertical blinds casting shadows over his body like prison bars. As he gradually opened his heavy eyes, his brain still groggy from the night before and still suffocated by a constant, unresolved wistfulness, Jose caught a glimpse of a lean blonde man with big hands looking back at him. He shot up, gleefully ready to greet Brock, when the haze cleared and he saw what he had actually gotten excited about, the recollection of dressing it up slowly coming back to him.

He got out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen to feed Thackery, all the while feeling like a deflated balloon. Jose scratched Thackery behind the ears and made sure he started to eat before he grabbed his phone to call Silky. 

“Bout time you got up sis. I thought we was gonna have to send in a damn search party,” Silky answered cheekily.

“Maybe if your pushy ass didn’t force me to down a kiddie pool of tequila I coulda gotten myself up sooner,” Vanjie retorted.

“Don’t start hating just cause us big bitches know how to handle our drinks. Have I or have I not been telling you that things are better when you get yourself a little thick?” Silky screeched with laughter.

“We ain’t getting into this again,” Vanjie sighed as he rubbed his hand down his face. “Look, you coming over to help me get rid of your freaky-deaky dick sucking Ken doll?” he finished bluntly.

“No can do bitch,” Silky replied. “There a no return policy on that Mr. Big Stuff you got sitting up in your room so it’s yours now. Why don’t you quit your whining and get you some?”

“That all you got?” Jose questioned with growing frustration. “This damn thing was your idea to start with.”

“Calm down Miss Thing. All I’s trying to do is buy you a little treat and get you to have some fun. Why you gotta blow up over nothing?” Silky reasoned.

“Look Silk, I’m sorry okay? It’s not you, I’m just not feeling shit today,” Jose replied, his response more genuine than he intended it to be.

“You good,” Silky said, her once brash voice now laced with concern. “But why don’t I come over? We can skip out on that dark-sided tequila and go right back to good old Hennessy. You know I can bring the party, especially when them drinks start flowing.”

“Nah, it’s alright,” Jose answered quietly before attempting to make his tone more lighthearted. “I’m too outta it to be hitting up any men or trying to put on a show for the fans. Looks like you flying solo tonight girl.”

“You sure?” Silky questioned with uncertainty.

“Course I am,” Jose confirmed. “I’ll hit you up later when my head don’t feel like I’m rocking that damn Libra scales headpiece,” he finished with a forced chuckle before saying his goodbyes and ending the call. 

He picked up Thackery and headed to the couch, snuggling the two up in the softest blanket he owned and trying to turn off his thoughts. Jose played around on his phone, even went on Instagram looking for inspirational quotes that might at least be like a firefly, bringing the smallest bit of light to the dark forest of his mind. He tried messaging Alex but like a once shiny blade used too many times, each interaction got more and more dull.

Well into the evening when all the alcohol had evaporated from his body and his head was overflowing with memories of straw colored curls and tender smiles, Jose’s finger hovered, like a ghost of past desire, over Brock’s number, before giving in and pressing FaceTime. Brock answered on the first ring, his eyes shinning like tinsel on Jose’s childhood Christmas trees, his lips upturned in a gentle grin, like a match ready to reignite the dying embers in Jose’s chest.

“Hey Big Guy,” Brock began, his warm expression momentarily faltering when he heard the nickname leave his mouth.

“Hey Toes,” Jose replied with a chuckle, trying to make Brock feel at ease and ignoring the lingering sting and the regretful hope that coursed through him. 

At that he saw Brock’s full smile return and the two eased into amiable conversation like they always did, as if the world they once knew wasn’t currently ending, as if Jose’s world hadn’t nearly ended over a year ago. They talked about their cats and what they’d been watching, upcoming gigs and what they would do once quarantine was lifted. Jose heard Brock let out a sigh, followed by what should have been a simple silence but to Jose was anything but.

“Brock,” Jose started, his voice unusually subdued, as soft as the rustling of leaves. “You okay? I know shit seems pretty twisted right now. Fuck, it can make even the sanest bitch go a little coo coo for Cocoa Puffs.”

Brock paused, his eyes like open doors, Jose noting a flash of panicked hesitation as much as Brock attempted to keep his composure. As quickly as Jose got a glance, the doors to Brock’s psyche slammed shut, and he once again reclaimed his reserve.

“Oh, no, yeah, I’m fine,” Brock replied with rehearsed certainty. “Just trying to take things day by day and enjoy the time off while I can. But what about you?” Brock delicately inquired, his voice just as kind and cautious as when he first asked Jose out. “How are you holding up?”

“You know me boo,” Vanjie instantly replied in his reflexive upbeat tone. “I ain’t got no problem being just me, myself, and I. And I got my little man and big Silk to keep me company. So I just gotta keep calm and keep on carrying on or however the hell it goes. But ain’t no worry needed and ain’t nothing to see here ‘cept a whole lotta cuteness outta me and Miss Thackery,” Jose finished, not entirely sure what he said but hoping it was enough to reassure Brock and more importantly change the subject.

Luckily Brock simply nodded, though his face took on a look of doubt and confusion. They soon said their goodbyes and Jose headed back to his room, dragging his feet as if they were weighed down by lead. As he walked through the door way, he paused. Jose briefly looked toward his bed before tentatively stepping toward his doll that had still yet to be moved. Slowly Jose began to comb his fingers through the doll’s blonde hair, though the synthetic locks felt nothing like the familiar downy softness he craved. 

“I know your anxious ass must be going through it right now,” Jose muttered still gazing at the doll. “Seeing how you love being a real boss bitch, but Miss Rona got you together and turned everything upside down,” Jose smiled bitterly. “I still don’t know how you ova there on your own, all isolated in isolation. Shit, ‘memba when you hit me up fucking middle of the night on the Season 10 tour? I was thinking you musta been dying or crazy to wake my ass up. But then you go and get all Canadian maple syrup on me, being real sweet and apologizing, talking ‘bout how much you missed me and how you ain’t never felt nothing like it before,” Jose gulped, trying to catch his breath. “I ain’t never felt nothing like it neither. I was so damn happy you called ‘cause I was missing you like crazy. All them feelings were starting to sneak up on a bitch but it like you could feel me with you emotional Latino ESP and you got to me before shit really started going left. But now, bitch, I don’t know what my crazy ass is doing no more. Ain’t got no rehearsals, no afterparties, no nothing. Got nothing else to think about ‘cept me and, and, I don’t know what gonna happen. I just don’t feel good no more.”

Jose was brought back to himself when he felt a touch of wetness begin to drip down his cheeks. His hand froze and he swiftly pulled it back as if he’d been burned. He rapidly looked around the room, as if making sure that no one had seen him, even though he knew that he was the only one there. He rushed to snatch the duvet and shut off the light, hurrying to get away from the doll and the accompanying weirdness of the moment. Jose curled up on the living room couch, the fabric scratching at his exposed skin as he attempted to burrow further and further into the cushions trying to get comfortable. He knew his bed was a better option but he wasn’t ready to go back yet. He didn’t want to face what had happened that night, and he couldn’t sleep in a bed that suddenly seemed far too big and empty and cold.

————

The following morning Jose awoke feeling disoriented and then ashamed. He texted Silky and the two of them ventured out in their masks for some food, Jose hoping to spend as much time away from his apartment as possible. The next few days continued in the same way, Jose taking Silky up on every offer she made to hang out, whether he was in the mood for it or not. At lunch one day Silky asked about Alex, Jose mumbling out a vague answer, knowing that he hadn’t even looked at his messages in about a week. Before he finished his explanation, Silky excitedly informed him that she had gotten herself a quarantine boo and the two of them were having a Zoom date and likely booty call that evening. Jose could feel his mouth jerk up into a grin, thankful that his outsides knew to show he was happy for Silky, even if his insides felt like a tumultuous sea of resentment, dejection, and fear that threatened to engulf him.

————

With Silky in her own apartment, Jose found himself once again on his couch, Thackery and his phone in his lap. The screen lit up with a notification that Brock was going live and without thinking Jose immediately clicked the link. For an hour he was glued to the screen, his eyes following Brock’s every move as if he was hypnotized. Jose took in all the details of the new home he had yet to visit, along with the charming messiness of Brock’s curls and the magic of his alluring smile. When Brock had revealed without hesitation that Vanjie was one of his favorite queens, Jose’s heart started beating as fast as a hummingbird’s wings, his cheeks as hot as sand on a beach. But then Brock continued, still striving to maintain his giddy excitement while he spoke about being alone without anyone to share in his joy. In that moment the blush faded from Jose’s cheeks like sidewalk chalk washed away in the rain, and he shut off the livestream and marched back to his room.

He grabbed the doll up by the neck of Brock’s shirt and stared into its eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jose shouted accusatorially as he shoved the doll back down. “You ain’t alone and you know it. Why didn’t you tell me you was feeling some typpa way? I mean, I woulda flown my ass over to Nashville if you asked me to and now we living practically next door to each other and you don’t think to holler at me? Damn it, Brock,” Jose exclaimed in exasperation. “Why won’t you let me be there for you? Don’t you think I’m all up in my feels with what’s been going down? Shit, I been all up in my feels from the minute we called cut. And we was only together for a hot minute, so I ain’t got no excuse to be this hung up,” Jose heard his voice crack and felt his eyelids start to weigh down with tears but he clenched his fists and continued. “You ain’t playing fair and you know it. How many times we help each other, huh? How many times did I hold you when you was stressing and crying? How many times you pick me up when the haters trying to pull me down? I see how special you are Toes, and I know you saw that in me. I know what I am and I know what I got but it gets hard having to remember that every damn day. But you was always there to remind me, and I thought, I thought…”

In a fit of frustration Jose picked the doll up under its arms and threw it on the bed. 

“How could we have given up on each other?” Jose cried, tears spilling over like the stream from a watering can.

Jose sat on the edge of his bed, head in his hands, as a pond formed in his palms. After what could have been minutes or hours, he got up and looked at the figure laying on top of the sheets.

“I’m lonely, alright?” Jose reluctantly admitted, his voice still loud and hurt as he sank his head into his pillow. “I’m really fucking lonely and there ain’t nothing I can do ‘bout it.”

With that it was like a dam was broken and his tears were back in full force.

“I’m sorry,” Jose bawled. “I’m sorry we hurting but we still can’t get it together. I wish I could see you,” he muttered as he pulled the doll’s arm over his shoulder as he nestled into its embrace.

“I miss this. I miss you,” Jose practically whispered as he nodded off with tear-stained cheeks and the faint scent of Brock enveloping him.

————

After multiple unanswered texts and calls, Silky couldn’t wait any longer and let herself into Vanjie’s apartment with her spare key. It was already early afternoon and she had plenty of dirty date details to spill so she stomped her way through her best friend’s apartment and directly toward his room. 

“Bitch I knew I was right,” Silky loudly proclaimed as she walked in on Jose still in bed in the doll’s arms.

“Hmm, right about what?” Jose questioned sleepily as he rubbed his eyes and started waking up.

“That big dick Nick over here was the absolute perfect gift for you sentimental hoes,” Silky laughed. “Now I’m just praying y’all used protection ‘cause we don’t need no pregnancy scares here in the apocalypse.”

“Come on, Silky, who you think I am?” Vanjie replied hesitantly, struggling to hide his nerves. “You think I fucked him?”

“No I’m saying you got yourself fucked,” Silky continued to chuckle. “What else would that thing be doing in your bed?” She shook her head. “Unh-uh. No way. You can’t hide from me, Mary. Now tell me, how was the D? You get your full jush and then some,” Silky screeched.

“No, look, it wasn’t, I didn’t,” Jose ashamedly blushed, unsuccessfully trying to provide an excuse over Silky’s endless, boisterous chortling. “I’m telling you it ain’t what it looks like,” Jose answered. “And why you all up in my business for? Didn’t you get some action last night?”

Fortunately, Silky was more than happy to start gushing about her new man, giving Jose the opportunity to get them out of his room and get himself away from the teasing. As he listened to his friend talk, Jose’s shame turned to envy. His best friend had joy and new love, a rain cloud nowhere to be found, while Jose seemed to be haunted by a dark, heavy fog, obscuring his view of any potential love. He thought about getting back into bed, wrapping himself in warmth from cozy blankets and the version of Brock that was actually his. At that, Vanjie stopped Silky mid-sentence and demanded they take shots. Vanjie claimed it was to celebrate Silky’s new man though he quickly downed the burning liquid with the wish that his brain would be flooded with booze rather than dreams of a plastic doll.

After too many shots to count and a bottle of Hennessy half empty, Silky and Vanjie went live. It was as if looking in a funhouse mirror, Vanjie watched himself distort, succumbing to his worst parts with every fresh sip. He was crass and aggressive and raunchy, the Vanjie persona swallowing Jose completely and spitting out someone unrestrained and self-destructive. Silky, though not nearly as drunk, was giddily enjoying the show, raucously laughing as her best friend was finally having fun without a care in the world. 

Following an unintentional drive by dick pic, the live is abruptly ended, Silky grabbing her phone and cheerfully and tipsily saying goodbye. Once inside her own apartment, Silky plugged in the phone only to be greeted by an unfamiliar lock screen featuring Thackery cloaked in Vanjie’s favorite honey blonde wig. As discreetly as possible, she snuck herself back into Vanjie’s apartment to get her own phone back, but the low sound of her friend’s voice drew her towards the bedroom. Silky could hear Jose talking to someone, though she knew his phone was no where within reach. Through the half open door, she spotted Jose, his back to her as his face was pressed to the nape of the doll’s neck, human and silicone fingers intertwined.

“What the fuck did I do?” Jose said, his voice muffled but the anguished tone rang clear. “I done humilierated myself just cause a bitch can’t get her shit together and keep her feelings in check.”

Silky heard the discouragement in her friend’s voice, about to push the door fully open and make her presence known, when Jose spoke again.

“You always knew how to bring me back, Toes,” Jose continued as he snuggled further into the doll. “It ain’t as easy when you at it alone.”

Silky made sure to cover her mouth to conceal her gasp as she fled the apartment, clutching her phone tightly in her hand as she made her way back home to make a call.

————

The next day in the early afternoon, Jose heard a knock on his door.

“Hey Vanj,” Silky said faintly and very un-Silky-like. “Can I come in?”

“Bitch, like you even gotta ask. I seen you using that spare key on the regular,” Vanjie replied, wondering why his friend didn’t barge in like a boisterous wrecking ball like she normally would.

“Thanks,” Silky responded with a small smile as she made her way inside and Jose followed her to the couch.

“You know you can talk to me ‘bout anything right?” Silky began, looking Jose in the eyes. “You ain’t never judge me for the shit I done and I hope you know that it’s a two way street.”

“‘Course I know,” Jose confirmed slightly perplexed. “I know you my ride-or-die til death do us part,” he finished with a grin.

“I just didn’t know it was getting this bad,” Silky continued, nearly disregarding Jose’s reply. “You never said nothing. How’s I supposed to know?”

“Silk, I’m fine, really. You know this big mouth can’t hold back no secrets,” Vanjie weakly joked.

“I called him, Vanj,” Silky stated. “I saw you and I know and I called him.”

“Called who?” Jose suspiciously asked.

“Brock,” she answered plainly.

“Get out.”

“What?” Silky exclaimed.

“I said get out,” Jose harshly replied. “I don’t need you going behind my back all sneakily and spilling my tea to my ex. And I sure as Hell don’t need the Queen of shade coming up in here seeing me like this. So just go,” Jose ordered, attempting to sound strong through the hurt. “Go on and tell him Miss Vanjie’s all good and that she don’t need no help from nobody.”

“You need to talk to him,” Silky said undeterred. “And you need to stop being so damn afraid,” she cautioned as she got off the couch to leave.

Jose stomped back to bed, flinging himself on top of the covers, his forearm draped over his closed eyes. A few minutes later there was a light tapping on his bedroom door.

“I thought I told you I don’t want you here, Silk,” Jose called. “Ain’t got no time for no double crossers.”

“I don’t think that’s what she was going for,” an unexpected though familiar voice answered, sounding like music to Jose’s ears.

Jose opened his eyes and sat up to see an unshaven Brock nervously standing in the doorway, looking at him with uncertainty.

“So that’s my replacement?” Brock asked with an awkward chuckle as he motioned to the doll still lying next to Jose on the bed.

“See this is why I didn’t need Silky telling you nothing,” Jose growled as he stood up and grabbed the doll. “I don’t need the Queen of the fucking North right now coming in and making me feel even worse,” he finished as he finally stuffed the figure into his closet.

“I’m sorry,” Brock said gently as he tentatively walked over and placed a hand on Jose’s shoulder. “I’m not here to make fun of you,” he reassured. “I’m only here to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m fine,” Jose said again. “And I don’t need you or Silky thinking you need to babysit me.”

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” Brock began as Jose turned to face him. “These personas we created are the epitome of strength and confidence. They’re never sad or nervous or worry if they’re enough. And how could they ever feel lonely when there’s so many people out there who love them?” Brock softly took Jose’s hand in his. His tender touch so powerful it was as if Jose was recharged from the electricity from Brock’s fingertips, his warmth nothing like holding cold plastic. “It’s not just you, you know,” Brock assured. “There are nights I can’t sleep because there’s just too much silence,” he sighed. “And who am I to judge? I’m always talking to my cats and I’m constantly in my own head.”

“That head ain’t such a bad place to be,” Jose finally murmured as he took his hand out of Brock’s and ran it against his curls. “You just gotta let people in sometime.”

“Same goes for you, boo,” Brock replied as he leaned further into Jose’s touch. 

“I just didn’t want you seeing me like this,” Jose revealed. “We supposed to be okay, we supposed to have moved passed alla this but, shit, I don’t know if I ever did.”

“Don’t you think I miss you too?” Brock questioned. “Sometimes when it gets so bad I’ll use my weighted blanket and pretend it’s you holding me,” he confessed as his cheeks flushed.

Jose’s eyes started to glisten and Brock moved to wipe away his unshed tears.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Jose asked timidly.  
“Why didn’t you?” Brock countered as he drew Jose willingly into his arms.

“I kept thinking about how this would’ve been if you were here with me,” Jose said against Brock’s chest, refusing to pull away from his captivating presence.

“I’m here now,” Brock said hopefully before longingly kissing the top of Jose’s head, making stars light up the pitch black sky that had been hanging over both of them for longer than they realized. “And I think I make a better boyfriend than a sex doll,” Brock smirked while Jose tore away from his embrace and playfully swatted at him.

“But what am I gonna do about him?” Jose wondered as he gestured to the doll poking out of his closet.

“Regift it back to Silky,” Brock answered, taking Jose’s hand and heading out to the living room. “She’s been looking for a man and now she’s finally got one.”


End file.
